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Feeling stupid read this
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

~ Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

 

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

~ Miss Alabama’s Heather Whitestone in the 1994 Miss USA contest, who was later selected as Miss America 1995.
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

~ Mariah Carey

 

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body”

~ Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

 

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country”

~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

~ Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

~ A congressional candidate in Texas.

 

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

~ Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

 

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

And (yea he gets two)…

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

~ Al Gore

Posted under Jokes

Operation Theater
relatives to a patient who ran out of the OT: why did u flee the OT?

Patient:-I heard the nurse saying, Why r u gettin so nervous?its a very simple surgery, hardly any risk involved!

Relatives:-Yupe, she advised u rightly, u need not flee the OT

Patient:-But the nurse was saying this to the surgeon!

Posted under Jokes

Bhola at a Udipi Hotel
Bholaji goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Bhola eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Bhola then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Bhola eats only the filling and not the shell. ; Waiter is very curious. Bhola next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Bhola eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind. Waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Bhola asks him, “Bholaji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?”

Bhola says,”Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ki cheez mat khaya karo…”

Posted under Jokes

for the people
An American delegation on a visit to India was being shown round the capital. In the evening they were taken to the Secreteriat for a panoramic view of the Vijay Chowk and the Rajpath. Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices. The place was crammed with bicycle and pedestrians.
‘Who are all these people?’, asked the leader of the American delegation.
‘They are the common people of India, the real rulers of the country,’ proudly replied the minister conducting the visitors.
A few minutes later came a fleet of flag-bearing limousines escorted by pilots on motorcycles followed by jeeps full of armed policemen. ‘And who are these?’ asked the American.
‘These are us’, replied the minister with the same pride, ‘The servants of the people.’

Posted under Jokes